Awkward

Awkwardness is kind of like a contagious disease. As soon as people see you being awkward, they feel awkward too. Even the word "awkward" looks awkward. I had to look it up to make sure I was spelling it right before I started. Being an awkward person is a daily struggle, but in a way it is also a form of art. Sometimes being awkward is so bizarre that it is almost beautiful. Just kidding. It mostly just makes you look like a fool. For your amusement, and my utter embarrassment, I have compiled a list of five of the most awkward moments of my life....

5. Awkward Encounter at the Orthodontist

Premise: When I was in sixth grade, I had a crush on this one girl and I'm pretty sure she liked me back. But we both went off to high school and never really heard from each other for a while. Until one day...

I was at the orthodontist and brushing my teeth at the giant communal sink (which is a gross idea by the way).

That foam is pretty spot-on, if I must say so.

Then I realized that the girl I used to have a crush on was brushing her teeth right next to me.

She must have noticed me too because she looked over at me.

Here is where the dilemma started. My mouth was full of toothpaste, and I thought it would be rude to just spit. In hindsight, I probably should have just spit because that would have looked far better than what actually happened.

So many mistakes

A deluge of foamy spit erupted from my mouth. It was so embarrassing, that I melted into a puddle on the spot.

This is also what I look like when I get sick.

4. Awkward Interaction with a Girl in My Class

Premise: This happened in senior year of high school. First of all, at my high school they gave a "merit award" to two students (a boy and a girl) every month who exhibited good behavior or something. On that day, in second period they announced that I had won the merit award, along with a girl in my class. The next period I had a calculus test, and this is where the story begins...

I don't know why I gave his text such calligraphy-like font

At the end of second period, the girl who had won the merit award walked up to congratulate me for winning. But I was still fuming about the calculus test.

Probably watching too much Interstellar

3. Awkward Interaction with My Prom Date's Dad

Premise: Before I went to prom, I had to call my date's father so that he could make sure that I wasn't some dumb idiot (which is only fair, I suppose).

I abhor talking on the phone by the way

The conversation was going normally, until at one point when he asked...

Way Past Normal: Outer Space Edition

My favorite thing about this is that it implies that he is an alien?

2. Awkward Moment at the Dinner Table

Premise: First of all, let me just say that this is probably the most embarrassing moment of my entire life because it is honestly like the worst thing I've ever done. If you are a merciful person, you will spare my humiliation and stop reading here. The most important part of this story is that I hate peppers. They are probably my least favorite food. I see you kept reading. I am overcome with shame. My brother's girlfriend had invited her family to come over to our house for dinner. Please stop reading, I'm so embarrassed. Her family had brought some food of their own over to our house. YOU'RE BEING SO MEAN. I'm crying of shame. We were sitting at the dinner table, getting ready to eat. Well, it's too late now...

Preparing for a lifetime of shame

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SO RUDE!!!!!! brb crying for the rest of my life

I hope you enjoyed that. So ashamed...

1. Awkward Anniversary for My Parents

Premise: My sister once said that one of the funniest concepts is the idea of someone trying to do something nice for someone else, but then just failing miserably. This story is basically exactly that. Hold on to your seats, because this one takes a lot of explaining.

First of all, in the movie Coraline, there is one scene where Coraline's dad plays a song for her on the piano. Around the time of this story, I was attempting to learn how to play the song on the piano (because I do things like that sometimes), and I found a useful video that played the song slowed-down so you could read all of the notes. Now, this story takes place on my parents' anniversary a couple years ago. My parents went out to dinner, and my twin sisters and I wanted to surprise them when they got home by jumping out and playing the anniversary song from the Flintstones because my parents liked that song.

I love how enthused they look

But somehow, the music got messed up and it started playing the slowed-down version of the song from Coraline instead. If you want to get the full effect, you can listen to it here, but warning: it is probably the most hilariously disturbing thing you will ever hear.

But the fact that everything was going so horribly wrong was so hilarious, that my sisters and I just started laughing hysterically. Then my parents walked in to hear this awful melody that sounds like Satan and the Grim Reaper collaborated to make the most vile-sounding mixtape of all time blasting at full volume, while the three of us were just rolling on the floor, laughing our heads off.

They were probably right, to be honest...

If you liked this post, feel free to check out my sister's post on her comic here. She did a similar idea, and it's hilarious so go check it out.

Things That Hate Me

Before I start, I'd like to warn you that this post gets unnecessarily weird at times. Sometimes my brain just kind of starts spewing out the most random things for no reason. So, I'm sorry in advance.

So anyways...... this post is a list of some of the things that hate me for no reason!!!!!

1. PUDDLES

This one is pretty self-explanatory. It's that time of year where the snow that's left on the ground has turned a sickly color and all of the sidewalks are just covered in puddles. I guess this is the only thing the list that actually deserves to hate me, because I probably hate puddles just as much as they hate me.

I stared into the puddle, as it stared back at me, both of us filled with equal amounts of contempt.

I didn't realize until after I drew this how confusing this is. It looks like stepping into puddles turns me into a demonic vampire. Haha, oh well...

2. SOCKS

This one annoys me so much. I have an unbelievable amount of respect for socks, but they go ahead and stab me in the back anyways. Allow me to explain...

So there I go, walking to class as normal.

I imagine "The Trail We Blaze" from The Road to El Dorado playing

And then, for no reason at all....

Stick figure anatomy makes less sense the more you zoom in

I still don't even know how this is possible, but my sock starts slipping down my ankle and over my foot (while inside of my shoe).

I think I drew a little too much sweat

By the time I get to class, my sock is almost entirely off of my foot and is just hanging out in some corner of my shoe, minding its own business. As soon as I sit down in the classroom, I have to take my shoe completely off in order to put my sock back on, which I'm sure looks pretty weird.

Cute little shoes though :)

And finally, the thing that hates me most of all is..........

3. DRAWERS

Now this one takes a bit of explanation. In my dorm room, I have this drawer full of snacks and whatnot, because snacks are important.

But one day, my drawer suddenly just wouldn't close all of the way. It would stop before completely closing and then gradually just slide open again.

My drawer is such a bully :(

I figured that something must have fallen back behind the drawer which was preventing me from closing it all the way. I tried reaching back and grabbing it, but I couldn't fit my hand far back enough. I tried taking the drawer out, but I couldn't figure out how to get it out. I started freaking out because I was wondering how I was going to explain to my RA at the end of the year why my drawer wouldn't close all the way.

I apologize for how weird this picture is

Then my roommate saw me freaking out and came over. I told him what happened, and three seconds later he pushed some button and pulled the drawer out.

My roommate is smaller than the desk for some reason

It turns out that the thing which was blocking the drawer the whole time was a stupid bag of Goldfish. I even have photographic evidence...

Sorry if I startled you by the sudden lack of cartoonishness

So I guess it turns out that the thing that really hates me the most is actually Goldfish. Now every time I see a bag of Goldfish, I imagine the same thing...

So much hatred :(

Football

Before I start this post, I would just like to say that I sincerely hope this post doesn't offend anyone who loves sports, because it wasn't meant to. That said, I don't really enjoy watching sports. I realize that I'm probably in the minority here, and because of this I end up having a lot of conversations like this...

DISCLAIMER: I do have friends in case this comic just got too real for you

After a few minutes of conversation, I usually get a question like this:

It had better be a meeting to fix that wacky hairdo, or else I'll be disappointed

Then I feel an emotion which can only be expressed by this meme I made:

Last semester I went to one of the football games because everyone said it would be super fun. The thing is, I'm not very good at spectating sports either.

Go team...

I'm usually just confused the whole time, and I just frustrate everyone sitting next to me.

DISCLAIMER: I know what a fumble is. I'm just exaggerating my stupidity for the sake of the comic.

One thing I've noticed about stadiums is that they have this innate power to do something really bizarre to people.

Extremely accurate

I mean, just look at that devious little grin...

At football games they have this little chant that goes something like this. One person starts by calling out:

And then everyone else responds:

And then he repeats it twice more. However, some people get greedy with this power and do it again immediately after they have finished the chant.

I don't really mind this, but far too often, the SAME person will then start the chant over again.

Little known fact: I am actually a dinosaur

My favorite part of the game was the half-time show, because the marching band performed, which was cool.

The only other thing I noticed about the game was that, whenever the opposing team had the ball, everyone in the audience started booing.

Now I know that this is probably dumb of me, but I always start feeling bad for the other team.

So I eventually came up with a solution to conform without having to feel guilty: